The oldest myth in the book
Since the dawn of ages has a compromise worked as the cure to all relationship problems. We get bombarded with this message from all sides whether it is on magazine articles on love or advice from older couples.
Don’t get me wrong, it is important and necessary every once in a while, to step down and find common ground during disputes. However, this otherwise healthy coping mechanism has been tarnished and is now the root of many relationship problems.
Compromising might be hurting your relationship
A compromise is agreeing to let go of your will and desires for your relationship’s sake. You might choose to let your partner have their way completely or settle on some middle ground. Either way, you do not get what your heart truly wanted. Here are five reasons why this could pose problems for your relationship.
- It’s often a lose-lose game
Losing mainly happens when you both choose to settle. You do not get what you want, and neither does your partner. From a far this might seem like a fair outcome, but the truth is that you both lost.
- It forces you to lower your standards
We all have our core principles and standards, and there is nothing wrong with that. Compromise often threatens these principles and will force you to lower your standards for the sake of the relationship. You are lying to yourself and will possibly not be able to deal with the new arrangements for very long.
- It allows an errant partner to get away with it
When it comes to disputes and arguments in a relationship, everyone is entitled to an opinion. However, more often than not there is one person who is more right. Compromising allows the other partner to get away with things that they should face. Issues they need to confront could be anything from infidelity to the division of house chores.
- It threatens reasonable needs
There is nothing wrong with wanting more from your partner whether it is time, attention or displays of affection. Compromising may be what keeps you from these well-deserved benefits of relationships.
- It fosters resentment
One thing that makes compromise one of the worst coping mechanisms is that it is only a temporary fix. You will usually choose to ignore your desires for peace’s sake. However, with time, this calm will be disturbed, and you will end up right where you started.
What to do instead
A lot can go wrong if you choose absolute compromise as your method of dealing with issues in your relationship. Thereare, however, a few other alternatives and alterations to this option that you should consider.
- Make an effort to understand
As already stated, there is usually someone right in the argument before jumping into conclusions and agreeing to disagree, take your time to understand your partner’s point of view. You might be surprised to learn that you are on the wrong and should probably not hold so tight to your beliefs.
- Take your time before making any decision
Many people rush into compromise as it is easier than losing or completely having to give up your beliefs. Do not pressure yourself into this wrong route. Instead, take your time to consider not only the facts but also your partner’s decision. That way, you will both end up on the same page.
- Full expression
Many couples compromise because having to express themselves seems too tiresome. Go out of your way to make your partner understand where you are coming from with the issue.
- Stand your ground
Finally, one great and often overlooked alternative to compromising is standing your ground. Showing that you have a backbone is important mainly with thing slike your core values and non-negotiable principles. Compromising in these cases makes you lose yourself and will lead to resentment down the road. To avoid this, stick to your guns at whatever cost; even if it means losing the relationship.
With all this information in mind, there is no denying the fact that compromising in a relationship bears a fair number of risks.
Instead, take the time to understand your partner and express yourself. More often than not only one person is right, and all it takes is efficient communication for this to come out.
You also need to be ready to stand your ground on disputes that threaten your core principles. Whatever the case, you need to avoid taking the easy way out through compromise.
This post originally appeared on loving-community.com.